I went to the Local Guides Summit 2017, and they talked a lot about "missions" there. When I first heard about Google Maps Missions, I was so excited. My mind went wild with possibilities of what missions could actually be.
I immediately thought of so many cool possibilities of what "missions" could be. I played Autoduel in the 80's, and the coolest thing about that game was the "courier tasks," which were basically missions. You'd get to pick one of three missions, which was usually to transport some interesting item from one city to another city inside of the game.
I spent tons of hours doing these courier tasks, transporting a flower to a virtual lover, transporting a needed heart to someone that needed it by tomorrow, or transporting the more lucrative yet less noble virtual gun parts. The virtual money wasn’t actually all that great for how many hours I put it, but it was a lot of fun.
So, when I heard that Google Maps was doing “missions,” I thought of something equally as exciting, and probably a lot more, because it’s Google. I thought of being able to pick one of three different companies that needed a photosphere, and having 24 hours to take my picture before my mission expired. I thought of Google mapping out a street for me where it needed me to walk down and verify if 5 different businesses actually existed, and me getting increasingly cool music and filling out more and more of a jewel as I verified each business. I thought of what would be the coolest implementation of “missions,” which is being able to pick if you want a 5-minute walk, a 30-minute walk, or a 2-hour walk from where you are, and then once you pick it, a detailed itinerary of the 1-15 tasks you need to do to complete your mission.
Oh, and you’d get specific mission points for the missions. And it would probably eventually tie into advertisers who could order a bunch of photospheres from amateur photographers like me for their business. And I’d feel a little like a sellout, especially after my 78th photosphere of KFC, but I’d be getting mission points, so it would still be really cool. And, if I had 5 minutes I could do a quick mission and get a few mission points. Or if I had hours, I could do longer missions and really rack up mission points. If my friends wanted to meet at a restaurant I thought was boring, I could entertain myself by arriving a little early and doing a couple short Google Maps missions before dinner. If I had a long road trip, I could plan stops around where I could do Google Maps missions.
But then I went to the missions breakout session at the Local Guides Summit 2017, and I found out that “missions” is just Google’s internal codeword for their “check the facts” feature.
I was so disappointed.
Like really, really disappointed.
Check the Facts isn’t even close to a mission. It’s not fun. Really, it’s not fun at all. It’s the worst part of Google Maps.
“Okay, this business you’ve never heard of, that’s two streets over from you. What is its website?”
I LIVE IN THAILAND! The business that you’re asking me to check doesn’t have a website! It’s run by a nice 80-year old guy who was born before the internet even existed. And if his nephew made a website for him, it’s going to be impossible for me to find. And his hours aren’t posted anywhere at his business or online. There should be some mission I can complete when all the local businesses are closed on Sundays. I really want to contribute and add to Google Maps. I love walking around the city. I love taking pictures, I love noticing quirky, small, interesting things about local businesses. There really should be actual, real, Google Maps missions.
Bangkok isn’t like San Francisco. All businesses don’t have their website clearly visible to someone just walking by. All businesses don’t post their hours clearly visibly in front of their doors.
When I was in San Francisco for the Summit, Check the Facts was kind of okay. It still wasn’t fun, but at least it wasn’t painful. Unfortunately, with Check the Facts, I think that Google has made something that works in San Francisco and Mountain View, but doesn’t work anywhere else in the world. Time for Google to send a Googler in a self-driving car to Tijuana to see how bad the Check the Facts experience is outside.
You get just as many points in Check the Facts for saying “I don’t know” as you do for making good quality contributions. Or, in other words, you get as many points for aborting the mission half way through as you do for completing the mission.
That’s not a mission!
Ellen in one of her stand up routines said, “Trivial pursuit is horrible for stupid people. You’re just waiting a long time for your turn so that you can say, “I don’t know.”
That’s how I feel about Check the Facts. I keep saying “I don’t know.” There is a lot that I could contribute, but checking the facts is really, really bad.
Where I come from, they say that if you put a ribbon on a cow pie, then it’s still a cow pie. But, with a ribbon.
Calling Check the Facts “missions” doesn’t actually make it a mission. It makes it Check the Facts with a ribbon on it.
Please stop calling Check the Facts by the cool term “missions.” and please develop actual missions for Google Maps.
2022
